Tomorrow is the first day of classes at UNB. My course starts. Why do I do this to myself when I don't need to? Why do I always feel the need to prove myself? Why do I always think I can't do this? Who am I do think I can do well at University? Where is my self-confidence given my gpa? The questions are endless. The baggage is heavy and constant. I am so used to dragging it around and at the same time pretending it doesn't exist. I seem to be able to put it down on occasion, but in reality, it is still attached. It is like it is on a long cord, and brings me to a screeching halt when I least expect it.
I know I can do the academic stuff. But I also know I like to learn at my own pace, my own interest, and if I don't find something interesting, I can walk away really easily. We will see about this one.
Back to the questions: A learning portfolio that will give me credits toward a degree in Adult Education? Really? What the heck have I done in my life that can give me PLA credits towards a degree? Everyone says of course you can do it. I have my doubts. Of course I do. Even as I look at the grades I've already obtained, I have my doubts.
Sigh.
Wednesday, 4 September 2013
Monday, 2 September 2013
Kelp Dreams
I dream.
Kelp brushes against my skin.
Diving deep, deep
away from light
down, down, into
a darkness
shot with iridescence.
Gleaming creatures
flow and dance,
moved by the whim
of a twirling earth.
They feed me—satisfy me.
Diving high, high
towards the light
up, up, into
a brightness
shot with iridescence.
Gleaming waters
heaving and restless
splashing over
and around me.
They feed me—bring me joy.
Kelp brushes against my skin.
I dream.
I dream.
Kelp brushes against my skin.
Diving deep, deep
away from light
down, down, into
a darkness
shot with iridescence.
Gleaming creatures
flow and dance,
moved by the whim
of a twirling earth.
They feed me—satisfy me.
Diving high, high
towards the light
up, up, into
a brightness
shot with iridescence.
Gleaming waters
heaving and restless
splashing over
and around me.
They feed me—bring me joy.
Kelp brushes against my skin.
I dream.
Monday, 26 August 2013
Random thoughts.
How time flies.
I'm tired. I need a rest, a vacation that lasts more than 2 or 3 days. Have to work seriously on that. Just want to do nothing, make no plans, sleep when I want to, wake when I want to. My creativity is at an all-time low.
I start a course on Sept. 2. Why do I do this to myself? I really enjoyed the last two years course-free. But I only have 4 courses left to finish my degree. I guess it is a milestone that I never thought I would pass. What am I going to do with a degree in Adult Education at the age of 65?
I never thought I would say this, or feel this, but I'm tired of working for a living. I would like to not have to go to work, even though I love what I do. How perverse is that?
A glass of wine and a good night's sleep. That's what I need right now.
How time flies.
I'm tired. I need a rest, a vacation that lasts more than 2 or 3 days. Have to work seriously on that. Just want to do nothing, make no plans, sleep when I want to, wake when I want to. My creativity is at an all-time low.
I start a course on Sept. 2. Why do I do this to myself? I really enjoyed the last two years course-free. But I only have 4 courses left to finish my degree. I guess it is a milestone that I never thought I would pass. What am I going to do with a degree in Adult Education at the age of 65?
I never thought I would say this, or feel this, but I'm tired of working for a living. I would like to not have to go to work, even though I love what I do. How perverse is that?
A glass of wine and a good night's sleep. That's what I need right now.
Sunday, 25 August 2013
So I have a complaint for all you techies out there creating apps for those people with cell phones, smart phones, androids, blackberries, etc. You are discriminating against those of us who do not have a cell phone, smart phone, etc. or unlimited plans on our devices. If you are so smart, why can't you create your app so I can use it on my sitting-on-my-desk computer? Streaming music - would be nice. Podcasts - would be nice. T.V. shows - would be nice. Some of which I can get from iTunes, but not all. Not fair, you guys and gals! Discriminatory! Get serious and stop being so one dimensional! This rant is not over...
Tuesday, 20 August 2013
Monday, 19 August 2013
Monday stuff
The rehab of the house next door is really getting on my nerves. The couple who are doing the work and living in the house have been there for a year, and they are still not done. So there is the noise factor which is irritating. Then there is the fact that they do all the outside work - cutting boards and such - right outside my back porch and they both smoke. Sometimes I have to close the windows because of the stink. Yuck!
When I smoked, I really didn't know how bad cigarette smoke smells to non-smokers. The longer I am a non-smoker, the more it bothers me. Oh! How the mighty have fallen!
Their dog, Portia, is quieter since the young dog Buster, was killed by a truck. They never tie the dogs, and Buster was very aggressive. He ran out in the street because of someone walking 2 dogs on the other side of the street. The pickup that hit him just could not stop in time. I feel bad for the dog, and blame the owners. Fortunately, the accident was witnessed by one of the captains from the Fire Department who was behind the pickup. Poor Buster. But I was afraid of him because he was fierce and was trying to get through a screened window on their front porch one day when I was trying to week the front lawn. As long as I was in sight, he was barking fiercely and scrabbling at the screen. He almost bit the neighbour on the other side of the house. If he hadn't jerked his arm back in time, Buster would have gotten a good chunk of him.
Work is so darn busy that I don't know what to do next. One coworker is brand new - this is the first day of the second week. But she has picked up some things really quickly so I have high hopes for the future! Other coworker had a day off today and contacted our manager to say that there was a death in the family and she would be out for "a few" days. Annoying. So I will have more overtime hours added to the huge number I have now - that I can't use without falling behind and having to put more hours in. As soon as new coworker is up to snuff, I'll be taking lots of time off. I'm thinking of being very irritating by taking a whole bunch of Fridays and Mondays off and working 3-day weeks. Ha!
I am thinking of getting into work email and trying to answer some of them, but I'm darn tired. Think I'll give it a miss and add some extra time tomorrow instead.
When I smoked, I really didn't know how bad cigarette smoke smells to non-smokers. The longer I am a non-smoker, the more it bothers me. Oh! How the mighty have fallen!
Their dog, Portia, is quieter since the young dog Buster, was killed by a truck. They never tie the dogs, and Buster was very aggressive. He ran out in the street because of someone walking 2 dogs on the other side of the street. The pickup that hit him just could not stop in time. I feel bad for the dog, and blame the owners. Fortunately, the accident was witnessed by one of the captains from the Fire Department who was behind the pickup. Poor Buster. But I was afraid of him because he was fierce and was trying to get through a screened window on their front porch one day when I was trying to week the front lawn. As long as I was in sight, he was barking fiercely and scrabbling at the screen. He almost bit the neighbour on the other side of the house. If he hadn't jerked his arm back in time, Buster would have gotten a good chunk of him.
Work is so darn busy that I don't know what to do next. One coworker is brand new - this is the first day of the second week. But she has picked up some things really quickly so I have high hopes for the future! Other coworker had a day off today and contacted our manager to say that there was a death in the family and she would be out for "a few" days. Annoying. So I will have more overtime hours added to the huge number I have now - that I can't use without falling behind and having to put more hours in. As soon as new coworker is up to snuff, I'll be taking lots of time off. I'm thinking of being very irritating by taking a whole bunch of Fridays and Mondays off and working 3-day weeks. Ha!
I am thinking of getting into work email and trying to answer some of them, but I'm darn tired. Think I'll give it a miss and add some extra time tomorrow instead.
Sunday, 18 August 2013
Sunday stuff
Sunday is my normal laundry day. Mainly because there are no buses in Fredericton on Sunday, so I can't get out to the stores unless someone drives me or I borrow a car. That is okay, though, because it means a day where I do exactly what I want around the house without the distraction of shopping (LOL!).
Today... yes I did laundry. Six loads, but then, I have a small apartment sized washing machine. There is no laundry hook up on the main floor, and I refuse to carry baskets of laundry outside to get into the basement where there is a laundry hook up. I tried when I first bought the house, but that lasted about 2 months. I kept thinking of the difficulty in the winter - and I would probably fall on the stairs with a full basket of clean laundry, knowing my clumsiness. I love hanging everything out in good weather because it has such a wonderful fresh air and sunshine odour when you bring it in. I don't care how many experiments scientists do with chemicals, they will never be able to reproduce the smell of fresh air and sunshine. I love getting into bed in the evening of laundry day. I washed most of my blouses and t-shirts today, too, just because. So my closet also smells like fresh air and sunshine! Every time I pass the bedroom door, I open it and take a big breath. Lovely.
I also washed all the windows in the back porch, and put up the last two sets of curtains. It really looks like a room now, and I have the privacy of the mini-blinds. Joss came over yesterday and moved the mini-blind I had put up. I had tried to get the mini-blind and the curtain rod hardware on the window frame, but it meant that the mini-blind had no centre support. So he moved it up, and moved the curtain rod hardware to above the window frame. It is all good now and, bless him, he put up the other three mini-blinds. So I put up one more of the curtains yesterday, and the other two today. In between loads of laundry on and off the lines.
I do love my back porch. I loved it before I did the window treatments, but even more now. I spend so much time here. If I'm not in the craft room, I'm here. I have the computer, my lazyboy chair, radio, iTunes, books.
Love the fern pattern on the sheers. Fits right in with my huge boston fern.
Since I gave up the satellite dish, I haven't used the livingroom at all. The cats have their beds on the couch, and I have to pass through it to get the craft room or the front porch. I sweep the floor or vacuum once in awhile, and dust even less often!
I also spent way too much time on Pinterest looking at handmade cards posted by various people, and re-pinning them to my boards. I also copied some images, cropped them in photoshop and then put them in a word document to print out. That way, I can have ones that are giving me ideas in the craft room rather than running back and forth from one end of the house to the other to look at the computer.
I called Eleanor and asked her to come over and appreciate my porch too! She did think it was lovely. And also agreed that once the leaves were off the trees, I will enjoy having the privacy I lost when the big apartment building went up. Not that I think everyone is standing at their windows staring into my house, but I can look into their spaces, which means they can look into mine. And I would rather they didn't. You can see the top floor of the apartment building in the top left of the centre picture. It is actually closer than it looks. And because my porch is pretty much all window, it is easy to see in.
Today... yes I did laundry. Six loads, but then, I have a small apartment sized washing machine. There is no laundry hook up on the main floor, and I refuse to carry baskets of laundry outside to get into the basement where there is a laundry hook up. I tried when I first bought the house, but that lasted about 2 months. I kept thinking of the difficulty in the winter - and I would probably fall on the stairs with a full basket of clean laundry, knowing my clumsiness. I love hanging everything out in good weather because it has such a wonderful fresh air and sunshine odour when you bring it in. I don't care how many experiments scientists do with chemicals, they will never be able to reproduce the smell of fresh air and sunshine. I love getting into bed in the evening of laundry day. I washed most of my blouses and t-shirts today, too, just because. So my closet also smells like fresh air and sunshine! Every time I pass the bedroom door, I open it and take a big breath. Lovely.
I also washed all the windows in the back porch, and put up the last two sets of curtains. It really looks like a room now, and I have the privacy of the mini-blinds. Joss came over yesterday and moved the mini-blind I had put up. I had tried to get the mini-blind and the curtain rod hardware on the window frame, but it meant that the mini-blind had no centre support. So he moved it up, and moved the curtain rod hardware to above the window frame. It is all good now and, bless him, he put up the other three mini-blinds. So I put up one more of the curtains yesterday, and the other two today. In between loads of laundry on and off the lines.
I do love my back porch. I loved it before I did the window treatments, but even more now. I spend so much time here. If I'm not in the craft room, I'm here. I have the computer, my lazyboy chair, radio, iTunes, books.
Since I gave up the satellite dish, I haven't used the livingroom at all. The cats have their beds on the couch, and I have to pass through it to get the craft room or the front porch. I sweep the floor or vacuum once in awhile, and dust even less often!
I also spent way too much time on Pinterest looking at handmade cards posted by various people, and re-pinning them to my boards. I also copied some images, cropped them in photoshop and then put them in a word document to print out. That way, I can have ones that are giving me ideas in the craft room rather than running back and forth from one end of the house to the other to look at the computer.
I called Eleanor and asked her to come over and appreciate my porch too! She did think it was lovely. And also agreed that once the leaves were off the trees, I will enjoy having the privacy I lost when the big apartment building went up. Not that I think everyone is standing at their windows staring into my house, but I can look into their spaces, which means they can look into mine. And I would rather they didn't. You can see the top floor of the apartment building in the top left of the centre picture. It is actually closer than it looks. And because my porch is pretty much all window, it is easy to see in.
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